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where has my appetite gone?
did my inspiration go and tag along?
and why can't I sleep very long?
why am I obsessed with writing stupid songs?
I can see clearly now
since I got a new prescription for life
and I don't know how to say
much at all anyway
so here's my attempt to recollect
today's thoughts from the indecipherable page
and it seems like every good thing is a bonus
even basic acts
like talking
like saying "hello"
but where did my talent at communication go?
cause I don't know what to say
so I guess I'll say something stupid anyway
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2. |
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damaged thoughts of breathing in the living room
scatter brain memories of public speeches
gutteral laughing sounds coming from my stomach
as the hunger starts to set
callused hands and callused eyes, seen too much hurt
try to express myself through public forums and unremarkable lines
in my poems I try but I'm still learning how to babble
putting words together like an infant in a training car
I was falling yeah
there's an expression I use all the time
I walked into your office with my resignation
the training you provide is less than adequate
cause I can't read your mind
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3. |
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my anxiety dream was more than it seemed
and I barely woke when the steam came
I was falling constantly
you were speaking near or around me
the tree that gave me air to breathe
will quickly take it
and even faster if the man with a chainsaw gets his way
our relationship ended with a man and a chainsaw
and you
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4. |
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I found a heart laying to waste by the garbage truck
I took it home, and patched it up
I had surgery for the fifth time that year
and the moon overshot its orbit
and the tides were near
oh, when I drown
take me away
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5. |
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I will run without a head, like a chicken in a coop
I will research home remedies, and eat up all my soup
I will use these words I know, and hope your ears do work
I have got places to go, and lots of work to catch up on, I know
I will go as long as I can without anyone around
'cause in my own head I get so lost with all the sound
I will go back home, turn out all the lights
find a cosy spot to lie in, I'll lay there for the night
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6. |
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I was capsized
my brain was squished
on a trip to Bermuda's strongest telecommunications tower
trying to relay a message to your telephone, or your PC screen
whatever I can get through to you on
how's that hearing aide doing you any good when you don't listen to a single word?
I've got good news to share, but you don't care at all
half-way tempted to throw myself in
full-way misunderstood
Miss Communication, just a beauty contest you happened to win
use my engineering skills to enhance the signal
I was lost before I got here, and I need an ear now
Can you hear me now?
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7. |
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my patience has reached its maximum
I will fall down, asleep
I set my alarm for the next life
I have nothing to fear but my overreactions and their overreactions to mine
I guess I'm just a little preoccupied with my own thoughts
When did that become a bad thing?
I have waited long enough for my chance in your arms
I wore the right shoes this time to treck through my mind
When did that become a bad thing?
turn the speakers up to 11
destroy my eardrums
I march to my own beat anyway
When did that become a bad thing?
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8. |
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love me im gross
scattered brained dumpster punk
falling from the clouds
head first to the ground
born in the wrong generation
i am the bi product of a south calorina mutation
falling on the water
body wont sink at all
bobbing up and down like apples
on a hallow's eve winter's night
the snow came down when rain was expected
and i didn't fall for nothing
i was coming home for winter
i was coming home for you
to say I miss you when you're not around
nothing else to say
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9. |
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here, I've laied it all out for you
scatter-brained content
check out my zine
can you figure out what I mean by Social Gimmicks?
Hi, how are you?
I see you're engaged.
I'm just waiting on the bus
I can't keep up with social history
and current politics
more than two things to keep
my one good eye on
and there's the problem
I can't keep up with social gimmicks
I got a good night's sleep by sleeping through the alarm
on the one day I made plans with
anyone who matters
and can you tell why I can't keep up with social gimmicks
around the corner from my house there's a circus
but the freaks are just two people
they invite me out to laugh at all my interests
should i stay or should i go
can't keep up with social gimmicks
here's my timeframe
for trying to learn how to keep up with you
i'll give you as much as you give
I guess that's not a lot
but I don't know how to deal with social gimmicks
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10. |
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I love everything about nothing
I love thinking about the void and how we can't avoid it
I was walking alone until I wasn't
I was surprised that I wasn't surprised to see someone by side
You love everything about nothing
And thinking about the void and how we can't avoid it
And you say today will be the day
I don't know what you mean but I nod along anyway
I love something about this
But just can't put my finger on it
And just as that thought crosses my mind you say,
"You know, I love something about this
But I'm not sure what it is"
I love everything about you
You can kill me if that isn't true
And then I will meet you
again in the void soon
We love thinking about void and how we can't avoid it
And you say "oh ain't it great"
And ask me if I didn't think
The void would be a good place for a first date
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11. |
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I had only talked to you on the internet a few times
We had only talked on the internet a few times
It was mostly just hellos and goodbyes
It was mostly just hey how are yous and goodbyes
Never thought I’d meet you in real life
Well I guess we were bound to meet at least once in real life
Certainly didn’t think it would be much more than hello goodbye
Honestly I thought it would end at goodbye
But it was just the beginning
now my world is spinning
And I can’t remember how we got here
We traded messages online from morning till night
We called each other on the phone every night
Planning the next time we’d meet up in real life
Why is distance such a problem in real life
When we met in the wine basement it felt right
When we kissed in the wine basement i knew this is right
Sure I had questions at the time
But I figured the answers would come in time
It was just the beginning
now my world is spinning
And I remember exactly how we got here
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12. |
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It all happened so fast
like light passing through glass
like a train speeding past you
in the middle of the night
In the middle of the night
when we come alive
like a phoenix desperate to rise
we can only burn for so long
we can only burn for so long
like our old ephemeral songs
tell me do you think this feels wrong
Isn’t it great?
Isn’t it great?
that’s what you say
I agreed until that first thursday
when I’m hidden like a secret
When I’m hidden like a secret
even though i know you need to keep it
I still Grow to hate the concealment
Like a patient needs all their treatment
I need all of you
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13. |
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keep thinking about what Chris said in seattle
when we were in the midst of one of our drunken battles
of pinball
he said “you know life is a lot like this game
you lose every single time you play
there is no way to win
no matter how many quarters you put in
but if you’re gonna get banged up and thrown around
you might as well go for the high score
at least try to make it on the leaderboard”
Yeah i think about that a lot on my bad days
and my good ones too
but not as much as i think about you
and that reminds me of what jay told me in vancouver
he said I’d have to change if I didn’t want to lose her
I said I’m not sure if I know how to do that
he put his hand on my shoulder and said
“You have literally never done anything else”
and I guess that helps
Yeah it helps when I think of you in central new jersey
thinking about how you would never hurt me
even if you wanted to
no matter how this ends, know I’ll always be a friend to you
Thinking about you shivering down in central new jersey
and how you’ll be living in Michigan next year
and how much colder you’ll be
I know its crazy but I’m Thinking about how I may be living there with you too soon
because if god were real then they would know
how much I want to be so close to you
hold me against your body
hold me tight against your body
pull me down
show me around this town
when you run your fingers through my hair
you say you’re not a lab rat
but you could still spend the rest of your life in there
God I love you God I love you
more than I hate God
God I love you God I love you
more than I hate the very notion of a god
hold me against your body
hold me tight against your body
pull me down
ease me around montgomery
and run your fingers through my hair
I will be your cuddly wuddly teddy bear
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14. |
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friday the thirteenth circled on my calendar
Luck against me so I think about what will go wrong
after all I am an amateur
who hasn’t played the game in so long
friday the thirteenth approaching fast upon us now
A day I think we we both feel has been overdue
Not sure what to say when the moment comes so I meow
Just One thing of many I’ve picked up from you
It’s friday morning
and the rain is pouring
Evil man with evil plan
gathers a big crowd
We are taking a stand
doing what we can
to make our morals proud
Friday the 13th is coming to an end
We strike gold after a few failed attempts
With bad luck gone, the futures ours to bend
Friday the 13th looking on us with contempt
Saturday the 14th looking on us with a smile
Like the ones on the sheep who cheer at fast food advertisements
This is awful but the band will be on in a little while
We will enjoy our night in this odd environment
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15. |
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Things are clearer now
Yet so much remains uncertain
In 3 months
will I still be hiding behind curtains
And if I'm not then where will I be
Almost definitely not in Ypsilanti
But there's nothing I want more
You say the same thing as the clothes hit the floor
These days are fleeting
They are Few and far between
Have we caught lightning in a jar
Or are we about to flick a lit cigarette into a barrel of kerosene
Either way there's gonna be a spark
Like the ones undoubtedly between us
Either way it's a bright spot in the dark
Here in the dark where anyone is yet to have seen us
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16. |
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a month ago if someone would’ve told me
every single heart would be
in my most frequently used emojis
I would tell them that they don’t even know me
a month ago if someone would’ve told me
I’d write a song with the words cuddly and wuddly
I would tell them something
something not very nice, not very nice at all
But i guess thats why time exists
even though I wish it didn’t
because then maybe I’d have always been this way
a better person than the one I was yesterday
because you've helped me realize
I’m not so worthless am I
Since I met you I’m much more happy and no longer confused
Reminds me of an old lyric I wrote that I never used
I used to wear my heart on my sleeve
and then I lost my shirt
but look now you’ve gone and returned it to me
and you even washed it no traces of dirt
a month ago if someone would’ve told me
I would frequently use every heart emoji
I would’ve told them to kill me before that happens
Makes me Kind of glad time travel doesn’t exist
You make me glad that I exist
for the first time in a long time
I’m better than I have been
and I hate to use cliche rhymes
but its like a fine wine
and time isn’t the only thing between us is it
yeah theres this thing called distance or rather displacement
All I know is I’m better when we’re together than when we aren’t
but since we’re on the topic of cliches I might as well say
you’re always with me in my heart
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17. |
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Coming into this I knew it would be hard
But I was well aware of what I signed up for
Still I didn't think it would be this hard
I knew it wouldn't last forever
It was the only solace we could find
Well besides me in your arms and yours in mine
I think it might've been the hardest thing I've ever gone through
And I can't even imagine how much harder it was on you
It was a thick dark fog we couldn't see through
But it's gone now, skies are clear
Our bond was tested along the way
We learned we'll always be here for each other come what may
Where there was doubt where there was lust
There Is now love there is now trust
Well at least the doubt is gone, I think there will always be lust
To go along with that love
You are absolutely ravishing
Our past may have been damaging
But oh doesn't our future look dazzling
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18. |
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The sketch pad you bought marks the beginning of my artistic career
I can't draw for shit but I do draw for fun and that's all that matters here
And Here on this bus the pages are blank but wait until I get home
I'll fill them up with crude doodles and figures maybe write a few poems
The sketch pad you bought is just the start of all the art we'll make until we are old
Our future is filled with bright colors and stories that will not go untold
And here on this bus where I am without you I know it won't be long
Until we're together again alone in my room and I'm singing you this song
The sketch pad you bought brings visions from our future that endlessly play in my mind
I can just picture all the paintings we'll do and of course the zines and protest signs
And here on this bus I pass the names of so many cities I'm not going to
I'll make some art about it I guess and dream of visiting them all with you
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released August 26, 2016
